


Bad Timing

by MacandLacy



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Freddie is a good friend, John wants advice, Language, M/M, Queen are a very successful group, The 29 year old virgin in a famous rock band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-10-18 03:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17573198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacandLacy/pseuds/MacandLacy
Summary: John has bad timing.  Really, seriously, bad timing.  He’s missed his cue, procrastinated, dithered, and now it’s embarrassing.“Roger would likely set me up with a professional escort, and while I know they would be classy, sophisticated, and discrete, I don’t think that would solve the problem that I’m terrified. Brian would probably drag me to a sex therapist or something, offering to take notes and do research for me,” John finally blurted out, admitting his worst fears about his two other best friends in the world if they discovered his secret.OR“I’m a 29-year-old virgin in a famous rock band. And pretty soon I’m going to be a 30-year-old virgin in a famous rock band.”





	1. What is a secret that each of you would like to share with your fans?

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this story came from. Seriously. Sorry about that.
> 
> FYI: in this universe, Freddie, Brian, and Roger are all bi. John is intimidated. 
> 
> No one is in a serious relationship. Especially John.
> 
> Modern Time Setting...2019.

Chapter One: What is a secret that each of you would like to share with your fans?

*****

John had bad timing.

The irony was not lost on him. He made his amazing living by literally keeping time playing bass. He had a stopwatch in his head, and an eidetic memory for details. Christ, he could keep Freddie Mercury on a schedule and more or less on track during performances, and that was no mean feat.

But when it came to *personal* timing, he was horrible. He’d missed his cue. Procrastinated. Dithered. Fucked up.

Eh, that irony was not lost on him either.

But while he had horrible timing, and was obviously a moron, he wasn’t a total idiot. This was a problem that he did want to solve, and since he had tried and failed to fix it on his own, it was time for help. John was man enough to admit when he needed help. And now was the perfect time….eh…irony again. But it was true. Brian was visiting his parents for the week and Roger was off on a mini-vacation. The person he needed to talk to - to please God have some advice or just a shoulder to cry on - was just a short distance and phone call away.

He gathered up his nerve and picked up the phone.

“Hello, Freddie.”

“John, darling! So good to hear your voice. Are you over that horrid jet lag yet?” Queen had just returned from a big overseas tour and were taking a few weeks off before meeting back up at the studio to start on the next album.

John chuckled despite his nerves. ‘You slept the entire flight back home. How do you have jet lag?”

“I simply don’t know, but it’s true nonetheless,” Freddie complained. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good.” Sort of. “Fred, I know this is short notice, but I need to talk with you about something in person. It’s….personal. Not bad personal, but still, uh, personal.” That was an understatement. “If you don’t have plans for maybe tomorrow or sometime next week—”

Freddie cut him off. “John, even if I did have plans – which I do not – you know I would change them in a heartbeat for you. It’s just me and the cats. Why don’t you come over right now and we spend the day together?”

Oh shit. John had been counting on having a day or so to finalize his presentation. Yeah, more proof that his timing sucked. “It doesn’t have to be today, Freddie, I mean—”

“I am putting on the kettle as we speak,” the singer said firmly. “See you in a few.”

“Okay,” John agreed weekly, and hung up.

He glanced at himself in the mirror and decided his jeans and t-shirt were good to go. It was a cool enough autumn day that a hat and jacket would not draw any attention, and he knew he could easily walk the few blocks to Freddie’s flat without being identified. Not that he usually was, anyway. Even Freddie could blend in very well when he wanted to. It was usually tall Brian and his hair that fans spotted.

The band had decided to rent flats in the same neighborhood, just a few blocks apart, to make logistics easier. They never knew when inspiration might hit, and while they all had their own instruments at each of their flats, Freddie’s place with his piano was the default studio at the moment. Besides, they honestly liked each other even after years of being together and threatening to kill each other on a fairly regular basis. They were like a family.

John felt both better and more nervous when he considered that.

A few minutes later he was ringing the doorbell to Freddie’s house, and the singer greeted him quickly. “Come in, my dear, come in.” Despite his claims of jet lag, Freddie looked as good as always, comfortably dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. For all his flamboyance on stage and at parties or clubs, Freddie’s house was a casual dress zone. John handed over his jacket and kicked off his shoes before being enfolded in a warm hug.

“Hey Freddie. Thanks for seeing me. You really didn’t have to—”

“Don’t be absurd, Deaky,” Freddie said lightly, guiding him the kitchen. “You know you are always welcome anytime.” John made nice to the cats who also greeted him, and soon they were settled on the couch in the music room with tea. John considered what he needed to talk about, and eyed the tea kettle.

“Um…..do you have anything to add to the tea?”

Freddie raised an eyebrow. “It’s not even noon, darling,” he said, but promptly produced a bottle of John’s favorite drink. Freddie really was the best host in the world.

“I’m not saying I need it right now but….um…actually….” John reconsidered and then grabbed the bottle and put a splash in his cup. He took a long sip, hoping it would magically steady his nerves. Fuck. His hands were trembling just enough so Freddie could see.

The singer was watching him with dark, perspective eyes. “Are you sure you’re alright, darling?” he asked kindly. “You know you can tell me anything, John.” He laid a hand on John’s knee and the bassist nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m alright, honestly. Just….nervous.”

“You have nothing to be nervous about here,” Freddie said firmly. “Just take your time. I’m here to listen.” Freddie curled up beside him, not quite touching, but the usual protective position that Freddie had taken with John since the day they had met. Freddie had made it clear from day one that John was basically under his protection, and was always beside him at press conferences or whenever the youngest member of the band needed support. Roger and Brian were always there as well, but Freddie had some telepathic gift to know when John needed him the most.

Well, at least John had a good opening prepared for this conversation, and had been practicing it for almost a month. 

“Okay, um….remember the winner of the press question this tour?”

Long ago, the band had started a contest about what was the worse and/or most idiotic question they were asked by the press. Brian wrote them down in a notebook, and at the end of the tour they voted vote to pick a winner.

“Of course,” Freddie chuckled. He cleared his throat. “What is a secret that each of you would like to share with your fans?” he recited in a good imitation of the female reporter from Los Angeles. Freddie and Roger had smirked, John had blushed a little, and Brian had blinked and then politely pointed out that if they answered, then it was no longer a secret.

Freddie was still laughing at the memory. “That was a clear winner indeed. Not even close this tour.”

“Yeah, yeah,” John quickly agreed. “So…umm….my secret…that I do NOT wish to share….except with you….” He stumbled, not sure if the words could actually leave this mouth. Freddie was silent, patiently waiting, understanding that whatever it was, John was truly bothered.

“Damn it.” John chugged the rest of his tea - partially scalding his throat, but what the Hell at this point - poured a generous shot from the bottle into the cup, and downed it too. He took a deep breath, looking firmly at his now empty teacup and not at Freddie.

“I’ve never had sex,” he said flatly. There. It was finally out. “I’m going to turn 30 soon, and I’m still a virgin. In really every sense of the word.”

There was a pause, and John waited. He knew Freddie wouldn’t laugh, wouldn’t make a joke. Freddie would take his words seriously. But please Lord, don’t make him be pitying either. 

There was a gentle hand back on his knee, and John risked a look over at his best friend. To his relief, Freddie simply looked kind as always. There wasn’t even a raised eyebrow.

“Thank you for taking me into your confidence,” Freddie said simply.

What? John raised his eyebrow. “Um….you’re welcome?” he ventured tentatively. The silence continued for a few beats as Freddie took a sip of his own tea. John just starred at Freddie, mentally begging his friend to take the lead.

Freddie seemed to understand, thank God. “Darling, I know this must have been very difficult for you to say. You’re right, it is a very personal matter, and I am truly touched that you chose me to confide in. I am here obviously if you want to talk more, but I won’t pry either. It’s up to you.”

“I want to talk about it,” John nodded, a tad frantically. “I just don’t know *how* to talk about it. Obviously.”

“Alright,” Freddie patted his knee again, and then poured John a fresh cup of tea. “Now, first of all, you know there is certainly nothing to be embarrassed about, my dear."

“I’m a 29-year-old virgin in a famous rock band.” John countered. “That’s plenty to be embarrassed about.”

Freddie shrugged. “Only if it bothers you, dear. Which I see it does, so, let’s talk, yes?” John nodded in relief. “Do you think you may be asexual?”

“No, I don’t. Believe me. I’ve looked up the term lots of times and did a lot of reading and thinking. Taken online quizzes. God, so many online quizzes.” Freddie frowned a little at that bit of information. “Maybe on some scale I might be, but not really. I *want* to have sex with someone. To know that at least I did. Maybe I will decide then that I am asexual, but how am I supposed to know for certain if I haven’t had sex with a person to see if I like it?”

“Do not feel pressured into having sex, if you don’t want to,” Freddie warned sternly, just checking. “You do not need to have sex just to gather data or some such damn thing. Curse you science nerds,” he muttered under his breath. John snorted a little at the words. Freddie rarely let it be forgotten that John, Roger, and Brian had all been on science career tracks when they were young. Freddie had been the only artist in the group when they had met.

“Yes, I want to,” John confirmed, blushing, but determined. “I’ve had it plenty of times with myself.” God, countless times, seriously. “I want to have sex with another person, alright? Then I can decide. How can I decide if I don’t have the ‘data’?” He did air quotes for the last word. “I really do not want to be the 30-year-old virgin in a famous rock band, but maybe that’s my damn fate. I mean…,” he sighed. “My timing sucks,” he said.

“I would argue that point, love,” Freddie said with a kind smile. “What makes you say that?”

John ran his hands through his hair. “The right time for the….first time….would have been in upper secondary school or at university, right? I mean, that’s when statistically speaking most people have sex for the first time. But I was always too busy studying, and the….er….window of opportunity….just passed me by. Next thing I knew, I was in a rock band, which am I totally grateful for, and obviously would never change a thing. But Roger was getting ladies or guys every night; if Brian wasn’t studying or writing music, he was getting ladies or guys every night; and you had whoever you fancied whenever you fancied. I…..packed the van.”

Freddie added a splash from the bottle to John’s tea, and the younger man nodded in appreciation and took a sip before continuing.

“My timing is so bad,” he lamented again. “So yeah, university would have been the perfect time, right? But I never found anyone I liked that much, and I always thought there would be time. But time is a bitch, right? Then I was concentrating like of all of us on the band, and yeah, there was…opportunity….but I was busy. Wiring the damn amps.” He took a deep breath and another sip of tea.

“Then one day I looked up from the fucking amp and realized that I was in my mid-20’s in a rising band, and had never had sex. The older I got, the more nervous I got. Folks expect me to have….to have experience. I’m not an actor; there’s no way I could fake *having* experience.” He took a rather frantic sip of tea. “Now it’s worse than ever, and just escalates every single damn month. We’ve toured the world, and, God, I am so grateful. But now I’m stuck in some endless feedback loop of every month there is more pressure because I’m older, toured the world, and people expect….” He trailed off, eyeing the bottle again, but Freddie only refreshed his tea. He was gulping it by this point. Maybe it was right to cut down for a bit.

“Do you have a preference? I mean, women or men? I’ve seen you kissing both.” Freddie was in full Dr. Ruth mode now, but it was what John needed.

“Both. I’m bi. Attracted to both, done lots above the waist with both. But I freeze up no matter what, no matter how nice they are. I’ve watched porn, for God’s sake. Seen stuff at parties. Some of them your parties.” Freddie just smirked. “I don’t think that I’m a total prude about it. Well, okay, yeah, I must be a prude on some scale. I haven’t found an online quiz for being a prude, but surely, it’s out there; I just haven’t found it. But mostly I’m intimidated because everyone expects me to have experience. To be sophisticated. Because I’m 29 years old and in a famous rock band.”

“So, when you have gone back to hotel rooms with lovely ladies or gentlemen, how far has it gotten?” Freddie asked kindly.

“Above the waist only,” John admitted. “Nothing below the belt at all.”

“I know for a fact that many have offered more,” Freddie said, smiling gently, encouraging. 

“I can imagine what stories are out there, or what folks may have bragged about at parties, but believe me, nothing below the waist. I make excuses about being tired, or have to be somewhere, you know? Then I take off or show them the door. Then have sex by myself in the shower. Like I said, I am really am the definition of a virgin. Seen stuff; not done it.”

Freddie nodded, sipping his own tea, and clearing pondering things for a minute before speaking. ‘Well first, my dear, I need to apologize. You’re right…you were the responsible one while us other three of us were off….frockling.” John snorted at the term. “We put a lot of responsibility on you right from the start and vastly underappreciated it. And I do understand and appreciate the trust you are putting in me now, and I am grateful for it.”

John breathed a sigh of relief. He knew he had been right to come to Freddie. 

“Fred, don’t think I am pissed at you, or Brian or Roger,” John said pointedly. “I know my internet meme…Geeky Deaky. And yeah, some may love me for it, but they are mostly teenagers or fellow 20-something nerds. And I love them and appreciate their support for the band and all that crap. I’ve never tried to compete with anyone, and I don’t think any of you were either. It’s all just my….bad timing.”

Freddie simply waved that thought away. “Don’t be silly, my dear. Now,” Freddie sat up, in full lead singer mode. “Based on what *you* want, my dear, I believe there are some options.”

“Really? Because I don’t know what they might be,” John admitted. “Lord knows I’ve had opportunity. And the only options I can think of….” He trailed off again, blushing. Freddie, bless him, refreshed his tea, but still withheld the bottle, patiently waiting for John to continue.

“Roger would likely set me up with a professional hooker, and while I know they would be classy, sophisticated, and discrete, I don’t think that would solve the problem that I’m terrified. Brian would probably drag me to a sex therapist or something, offering to take notes and do ‘research’ for me,” John finally blurted out, admitting his worst fears about his two other best friends in the world if they discovered his secret.

“You’ve thought about this,” Freddie said with a broad smile on his face.

“For about 10 years, yes,” John admitted, biting his lip. “Am I wrong about how Roger or Brian would react?”

Freddie thought for a moment, and then added a splash from the bottle to his own teacup. “No, no, I think you are spot on,” he conceded. “Though Roger may go for a foreign hooker,” he mused thoughtfully. “He does like continental Europeans or Americans.”

John snorted in his tea. Freddie could always make him laugh no matter what. “I can’t prove it, of course, but I am fairly certain Roger hired a couple ladies and guys for me on this last tour,” he admitted. “There were some really nice, really attractive people that I had a Hell of a time getting to the door or keeping them outside the door. Not groupies; professionals. I’m not so ignorant that I can’t tell the difference. Then Roger looked at me kind of funny the next day."

“Ah yes, that does sound like our dear Roger; generous to a fault,” Freddie agreed. 

“Oh God, I just realized; he may suspect something,” John sat up, his eyes wide in shock. “It never occurred to me…..oh my God, fuck my bad timing….the only thing about me that gets fucked….”

“Now, now, dear,” Freddie cautioned, patting his knee. “Take a deep breath, calm down.”

“I’ll die if they find out,” John gasped. ‘I swear, Freddie, I will *die*. But I’m so stupid and have such bad timing, they likely already know!” He was starting to practically hyperventilate, his mind running wild. “Roger is *auditioning* folks right now. Brian is interviewing doctors and collecting data---"

“Deaky, I will slap you if you don’t calm down,” Freddie warned sternly. He took the teacup from John’s hands that he was about to either drop or crush, and took the bassist’s hands in his own. “Look at me, John, look at me, dear. Come on, focus. Deep breaths.”

It took a moment, but John finally managed to get his breathing under control. It helped when Freddie pulled him into a hug, and the younger man sagged in relief. After a few more minutes, Freddie gave him a tight squeeze and then took John’s face in his hands. 

“It is alright, my dear, stop these foolish thoughts,” Freddie said sternly. John nodded weakly, and Freddie smiled. He gave John one more hug, and then poured him a fresh cup of tea with a generous splash of booze, which John gratefully accepted. For a few more moments, there was silence as both sipped their drinks and John got his thoughts back under control. 

Finally, John managed a steady breath. “Thank you, Freddie. I’m sorry for the panic attack.”

A hand patted his back. “Nonsense, Deaky,” Freddie said, his voice kind but still stern. “You just revealed something very personal and important and that is always difficult no matter the topic. I assure you, there is nothing to worry about or any reason to be embarrassed.”

God Bless Freddie. What had John done to deserve him as his best friend?

“I know that logically,” John sighed. “And I know that I’m the one throwing up obstacles to every possible option. I’m sorry for unloading this on you, Fred. I’m not looking for a perfect solution; I don’t know if there is one at all at this point. I just had to vent. Maybe I am doomed to keep my V card forever now and that’s just the way it is. I missed my best opportunity when I was young, and now…” He paused, and then reached for the bottle and took a swig directly from it. “Now there’s not much to be done about it; I don’t see any options that I can accept without dying of embarrassment. Or frustration. I’ve backed myself into this corner. Fuck my timing,” he summed up with a mutter, falling back onto the couch in total defeat.

“Oh no, my dear.” John looked over at Freddie who now had a smile on his face. “Believe me, there are options…..” 

John blinked. “Options?” he repeated, his voice doubtful. “I think I’ve blocked just about every possible option, Freddie. Bless them, but I am not taking up Brian or Roger on their likely solutions. You know how much I hate strangers in just about any situation. I can’t imagine…..er…you know. A stranger for….um….for this. It’s just not me, and I would likely die of embarrassment. There’s no way I can fake having experience, and they would know.”

“I would flay any stranger who touched you without your permission,” Freddie said firmly, steel in his voice, and John had no doubt Freddie meant what he said. 

John looked at his friend. “Then what?” he said, honestly perplexed. He watched as Freddie put down his teacup, then took John’s teacup away, and then slowly moved toward him. John just blinked. And then Freddie was kissing him….

Oh. He had bad timing *and* he was clueless.

Marvelous.

*****


	2. Chapter 2 "Can we clarify the word...help?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The phrase 'pity fuck' is off the table. But not the word 'fuck'

Well, to be perfectly fair, it wasn’t the first time Freddie had kissed John.

The first time had been when they were celebrating their first recording contract. The second had been after especially successful concert. And there had been others since then, usually after concerts or at assorted parties or celebrations.

But it was the first time full on the lips, and lasting for more than a few moments. So that most definitely counted for something.

Freddie kept the kiss light, but still conveying a lot of intention, and then moved up to kiss him on the forehead, right between John’s slightly crossed eyes, and then settled back, smiling fondly, picking up his teacup again and putting John’s cup back in his slightly shaking hands.

“Um….” John said.

Bad timing, clueless, and totally inarticulate. This day was just getting worse and worse.

Freddie smiled, and thank God, it was his honest, sincerely kind smile, not a hint of a smirk to be found. John knew that expression well, and it was the smile that always made him feel better no matter what.

“Now, my dear,” Freddie said, still in his most honest and kind tone of voice, “immediately, I want you to eliminate two very important words from your vast vocabulary and from your expansive mind. Are you listening?” John nodded, his eyes wide. Freddie lifted two fingers. “Pay attention now, love. Those two words – which are not to be spoken or thought of again after this immediate conversation are – ‘pity fuck’.”

John blushed. Because that was where his mind likely would have gone – once he had regained his mind, that is.

“Ah, yes, I can see that we need to first put this aside,” Freddie said, proving that the man was not just a musical genius, but also a secret mind reader. “No, darling. I know that pity is not what you came here for.” John vigorously nodded in frantic agreement. “And what I just gave you was not a pity kiss, either. Get that out of your mind this instant. I kissed you because I wanted to. And this is not a pity conversation, either.” Freddie took a sip of tea, pondering his words. “Alright, get three phrases out of your mind and thoughts – pity conversation, pity kiss, and pity fuck. In fact, all variations of the word ‘pity’ are now forbidden, do you understand?”

John nodded, chugging his tea. Freddie, the brilliant host that he was, refilled both their cups with tea and another generous splash from the bottle. Thank God he had a large tea kettle and a full bottle of booze. John knew they were going to need more tea soon, though.

And booze.

Freddie proved yet again that he was a mind reader and squeezed John’s shoulder reassuringly. “Let me get us a fresh pot of tea. I will be back in a moment. You just stay here, dear, and have a moment to get those thoughts out of your mind, yes?” John nodded frantically while Freddie stood. “Oh, and let me clarify before I leave you, my dear, that while the word ‘pity’ is forbidden, the word ‘fuck’ is not.” He winked at John and left. Yeah, trust Freddie to leave with an impact.

And damn. Freddie took the bottle with him in addition to the now empty tea kettle. John was now totally alone with his thoughts. Even the cats had followed Freddie back to the kitchen in hopes of second breakfast.

Sweet Jesus. He had revealed his secret, and now Freddie was offering…himself?

John put down his teacup and ran his hands through his hair. Well, just what had he been expecting? No, not a pity anything. Freddie was one of the kindest and most gentle hearted people that John knew, but he did not do pity anything. If he did – especially pity fucks – then the man wouldn’t have time to sing. A shoulder to cry on and confess upon; that was what John had been hoping for. And he got gotten that.

And maybe more?

Um….

Damn his bad timing. And being clueless.

When Freddie returned with fresh, full tea pot, and thank God a freshly opened bottle, John had regained a tiny touch of calm.

“Thank you, Freddie,” he said, honestly not knowing what more to say. Freddie beamed, still his honest wanting-to-help smile as he fixed them more tea and booze.

“Nonsense, my dear Deaky. As I said before, I know you are trusting me with something very special, and personal indeed, and I am going to treat it with the utmost respect and concern. I hope you can trust me in that.” John nodded.

“Alright then, my dear, let’s recap, shall we?” Freddie always knew how and when to take charge, and John was usually a willing follower. “We know the issue, and whatever ideas Roger and Brian may suggest - Bless their hearts - they are not the answer. End of discussion on that front. And we know what you *want*, and I think it is logical and reasonable. Now mind you, I can understand how your embarrassment has built up to this point, though truly, Deakly, you need to let go of some preconceptions. But that is neither here or there. You need to do what you are comfortable with, and screw any other thoughts.”

Screw. John had to snort at the irony of that word, and Freddie smiled again, but still it was his honest, kind, smile.

“Well, you can smile and joke a little; that is a good thing.” Freddie encouraged.

John sighed. “Oh, I have all sorts of innuendos,” he admitted. “Cripes, I’ve been around Roger for 10 years, Freddie. We both know he’s a bouncing voice of innuendo. I’ve missed my cue. Dithered. Was too busy stripping wires to strip anyone else. Engineers takes classes in lubrication and friction.” Freddie choked with laughter. “Like I said, Freddie, I don’t think I am asexual; not that there is anything wrong with that at all. I really am….interested. Yeah, that sums it up….*very* interested. But also terrified. Mostly terrified.”

“That is completely understandable. Well, we have eliminated Roger and Brian’s likely plans, and again, I agree those would be their strategy. Strangers are firmly off the table. So, you have me, my dear.” Freddie was practically beaming.

John grabbed the bottle. “Freddie…I didn’t come here—”

“Ah, ah,” Freddie warned, waving a finger under John’s nose. “What word is off the table?”

“Pity,” John answered dutifully in a small voice.

“That right. Do you want to know what I think what words are on the table?” John shook his head, frowning a little as Freddie took back the bottle. “Love, my dear. Compassion. Trust. You have trusted me with a very great, personal, matter, and I am humbled by it. I am here for you in whatever capacity you wish, darling. Whether it be just a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, or,” Freddie smiled. “Something more.”

Something more. John drained his teacup and Freddie simply refilled it, adding a small splash from the bottle. There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes as John tried to get his thoughts together.

“Freddie,” John finally said. “I may not looking for pity, I swear, it just never once occurred to me that you might…offer yourself. I just needed to talk to someone.”

“Oh, I believe you, my dear,” Freddie assured him. “That is not you at all. I don’t think you have bad timing at all. But perhaps you are a tad oblivious.”

“I’m damn stupid,” John muttered. Freddie chuckled. 

“No, just never willing or able to take advantage of a friend…or anyone else, for that matter. You are one of the kindest, most gentle people I know, Deaky, and you deserve the best. The very best.” 

John had to smile. “And you are the best?” he managed to joke. Freddie smirked.

“Well, not to brag….” John groaned and slapped Freddie’s arm.

“Freddie, I don’t know what to say,” he admitted. “I was looking for a shoulder to cry on, not for you to uh….”

“Offer myself up,” Freddie repeated John’s words with a smile. “What wouldn’t do I for one of my three best friends?”

‘Yeah, but….” John sipped his tea, still trying to get his mind wrapped around this development. “That is pretty…..major.”

“You came to me for advice, my dear. Which I am happy to give. I think I understand your dilemma, as you have it firmly labeled in your mind. And all I can think of is what I would do for a friend. Remember, the word ‘pity’ is not to be spoken or thought of. Just what I can do to help you with this matter that so obviously bothers you.”

“But this….” John trailed off again, trying to sort his thoughts and still struggling. 

“Darling, is a huge step, no matter when in life it happens; stop thinking that you missed your cue. It seems rather simple to me, dear. You know what you want, but are understandably nervous. I am satisfied that you know what you want, and understand that you are nervous. But really, Deaky,” Freddie put down his teacup and patted John’s hands. “You don’t need to be nervous around *me*. I am flattered at your trust in talking to me about this, and would would be flattered beyond words if you would allow me t help. If you want my help, then I am here for you.

“Your….help….” John swigged his tea, looking longingly at the bottle that Freddie was keeping out of his reach. “Um….because I am obviously an idiot…with bad timing….could we…..clarify….the word ‘help’?”

“Oh, Lord. Clarify…..you science types,” Freddie sighed, but he was smiling, and John recognized the very light teasing tone now. Freddie was indeed serious, but going out of his way to make things easy to discuss. He took John’s teacup and straightened so they were just inches apart.

“John Deacon,” Freddie said fondly, looking the younger man in the eyes. “I am truly am flattered that you feel comfortable to confide in me about this. You have nothing to be ashamed about. But I do understand your point of view. You did not come here looking for pity, and I am not in the business of handing out pity.” One of the cats meowed, and Freddie glanced at it. “Alight, feline company excepted,” he conceded. John chocked on laughter. 

“But back to the matter at hand,” Freddie resumed. “You are not mistaken that it is a huge step in one’s life, no matter when it occurs. And it is not to be trifled with. I can appreciate your nervousness….image what folks expect from me,” he winked, and again, John had to laugh. Freddie could always put him at ease; why should this be any different?

“So, again,” Freddie continued. “I am flattered, darling, that you would confide in me, and you are one of my best friends, so why wouldn’t I help you? Brain and Roger’s likely suggestions are indeed off the table. So, here is my suggestion…” he paused, and John found himself holding his breath. 

“When you are ready, I will gladly, *personally*, make sure you are not a 30-year-old virgin in a famous rock band.”


	3. Carpe Diem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So, then, um….” John automatically reached for his phone that he had earlier laid on the coffee table. “Um…. I have a dentist appointment next Tuesday, but other than that I’m available to schedule…..sex….”

“Ummmm…….”

Freddie chuckled and poured them more tea, but withheld the bottle. On some level John approved, because he was not one to often get totally drunk, especially before noon. But Lord, if he ever needed the liquid courage, this was the time.

“Let me spell it out, my dear,” Freddie continued. “If you are *willing*” Freddie carefully emphasized the word, “and *when* you are willing, I would be glad to help you lose your V card. In fact, I would be honored. Not because you have the V card, but because you would be trusting me with such an important thing and you are one of my best friends. I understand the confidence you placed in me by simply talking to me. I will not push you at all, but I do think that this would be the perfect solution. We are certainty not strangers, and I would love to show you that there is nothing to be nervous about. You know that you can trust me, darling.”

John nodded. “I trust you with my life, Freddie,” he said honestly.

“Then there would be nothing to be afraid of, is there?” Freddie murmured.

John managed a sip of his tea, his hands automatically moving. He was British, after all, and drinking tea under any circumstance was normal.

“Freddie….” he trailed off, uncertain.

“You do not need to make a decision right now, Deaky,” Freddie advised. “Think about it.”

That made John reflect. “Doing nothing and just *thinking* is what got me into this dilemma,” he practically wailed. 

Freddie patted his hand. “It is not a dilemma,” he said sternly.

“Then what is it?”

“Being someone is who very caring, and sensitive,” Freddie answered promptly. “And someone who is very strong.”

“It’s someone with awful timing,” John muttered.

Freddie eyes lit up. “Another phrase to take off the table,” he said firmly. “Bad timing.”

‘You’re taking away all my words,” John bitched, and Freddie laughed.

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we,” he said. “So, tell me then, dear, what do you think of my suggestion?”

John just blushed, and Freddie chuckled. “I am taking that as a partial answer, but use your words, dear. You know you can trust me with anything, including this.”

“I trust you,” John repeated immediately. That was never in question. “I’m also overwhelmed. This is….unexpected.”

‘It is also very logical,” Freddie pointed out, sipping his tea. “In way, the four of us are already lovers, you know, John,” Freddie said, very seriously. “Platonic lovers, granted, but we have always been more than a group or friends, or even family. We really are lovers in nearly every romantic sense of the word.”

John had to smile. Since Freddie, Roger and Brian were openly bi, they did get a lot of questions about if they had ever dated. John had always just looked down, blushed, and demurred when someone asked him a personal question, especially if during a press conference. “Fan girls would be ever so disappointed to know that,” he said. “And it is platonic, you say? I have…wondered,” he admitted. He’d never felt left out of anything but had always figured it was because the others thought he was straight, and not interested in them. He didn’t blame them; Lord knew he had kept himself closed off.

Eh, another ironic statement. 

Freddie wrinkle his nose as he shook his head. “Roger and I would likely start an argument about something, anything – music, cars, sex position - get annoyed, and the mood would be lost. I do not do hate sex. And as for Brian,” Freddie leaned closer to the younger man, his tone confiding. “I have it on good authority that the man reads before, during, and after. I prefer someone who will focus on the matter at hand instead of showing off how he can multi-task.” John laughed, and Freddie rewarded him with a splash from the bottle.

“But you and I, my dear.” Freddie sighed. “I must make a confession to you now. I have often had very pleasant fantasies about you and I together.”

“You what?!” John choked on his tea.

“Why not?” the singer said with a smile. “You try to hide it, darling, but you are extremely desirable. But you know that I never push myself on anyone. You seemed to be content to write music and go home alone at night, or occasionally back to hotel rooms with someone who - now that I think about it – always did leave quite rapidly. But that is beside the point. I always wanted to respect your wishes. But now….” Freddie smirked. “It does seem a perfect opportunity.”

John looked down at his hands. “For me to lose my V card?”

“I think of it as first or foremost, helping a dear friend. A friend that I find truly desirable. Second, as I said, this is not a pity fuck. I would be absolutely delighted, in fact.”

John knew his face and ears were now beet red. But he really had nothing to hide from Freddie anymore.

“I know you have told people that I protect you like a little brother, but the truth is, I protect you like a lover,” Freddie said very seriously. “And you can trust me as one as well, my dear.”

“I’m terrified,” John repeated in a small voice. He was shaking with nerves.

“You have nothing to fear with me,” Freddie assured him. “And nothing to be embarrassed about.” The older man put both their teacups on the table, and slowly, gently, pulled John into his arms. John went willingly, letting Freddie hug him. Hugs from Freddie were as natural as breathing. One of Freddie’s hands began to gently stroke John’s hair and he leaned into the touch.

“I am honored that you talked to me, dear,” Freddie said quietly. “And I believe that I have made my thoughts rather clear. I think you should take some time and gather your thoughts now. Think over what we have discussed.”

John took a deep breath. “Just *thinking*, and not doing anything, is what got me into this situation,” he said again.

Freddie chuckled and the rumble it made in his chest made John smile. “I think this conversation warrants some thought.”

Something clicked in John, and he carefully pulled away from Freddie so he could look directly at the other’s man’s face. “No, it doesn’t,” he said. And he had rarely been so positive about something in his life. Without consciously realizing it, he set his chin in determination, and his eyes took on a certain look that Freddie didn’t see too often, but was still familiar with. It was the look when John had made up his mind about something, and would not budge. People thought that Freddie was the stubborn one in the group, but no one compared to John he was in the mood. Black eyebrows rose as the singer waited for John’s answer.

“Yes,” John said, his voice completely steady. “Yes, Freddie, I trust you. And I would very much like for you to….” He stumbled a little, blushing, but his determination forced past any embarrassment. “I want to take you up on your offer. I want you make love to me. In every sense of the word.” There. He had said it.

Freddie’s eyes lit up and he pulled John back into a kiss. It was gentle and sweet, but nothing else. John was a tad confused when Freddie ended the kiss after just a few moments and while he kept one arm wrapped around John, holding him close, Freddie refilled their teacups and handed John’s back to his.

John could only image that he had an odd expression on his face because Freddie smiled and pressed a quick kiss to John’s forehead.

“I am honored, my dear,” he said simply. “Everything will be alright. You know you have nothing to worry about with me.”

“Yeah, I know.” John was still nervous as Hell, but totally sure in his decision. “So now we…..uh….do we…” John was still looking at Freddie with a helpless yet expectant expression, and the dark eyes smiled in understanding.

John frowned when Freddie chuckled, but the older man quickly explained.

“Darling, you told me earlier that you have never even had a hand job with another person. I am not going to whip out a pack of condoms and pounce on you right here, right now.”

Oh, okay. 

“Yeah,” John agreed after a seconds thought. “Yeah, that’s….good. That night be a bit much for today.” His heart likely could not take it. He swallowed nervously. Freddie really was truly amazing. God, he didn’t appreciate him enough, seriously. 

Okay, well then, if not today - and John was indeed glad for that, because he had such bad timing and not given any thought to that AT ALL, then what was the next logical course?

“So, then, um….” John automatically reached for his phone that he had earlier laid on the coffee table. “Um…. I have a dentist appointment next Tuesday, but other than that I’m free to schedule…..um….”

He stopped when Freddie burst out laughing. To his credit, Freddie laughed for only a moment and then hugged John in reassurance.

“I am not laughing *at* you darling,” he said, and John believed him. “Come now, think a moment. Do you think one schedules sex?”

John’s frown turned into a bit of scowl. “Freddie, I’m a 29-year-old virgin, remember? What the Hell do I know?” He made vague gesture at himself. “Yeah, I’ve seen Roger take off with Italian triplets, yelling ‘Fucking Carpe Diem’ and all that, but when it comes to me….I ran and hid. I don’t know what to do. Obviously.”

Freddie snorted. “Well, some perhaps might pencil in dates, but that is not my style, and while I have nothing against anyone whose style that may be, l personally do not follow it. I am never one to not say carpe diem.” He smiled fondly at the memory of the triplets. “I still can’t decide who was hotter – the two girls or the boy,” he mused thoughtfully and John snorted. “Roger still brags about that night.”

“God, yes. I wanted to shove the entire timpani set down his mouth to make him shut up the next day,” John grumbled. “You and Brian will never know how close I came to strangling him with the extra cords from my bass.” Freddie laughed again, and it was a friendly, bantering, attitude that put John back at ease.

“I told him what he could do with other half of my half-mic stand,” Freddie confided.

Now it was turn for John’s eyes to light up. “And?” he asked eagerly.

Freddie sighed. “He made some rather rude suggestions back. Then we argued for an hour and came up with another hit song.”

John chuckled, then sighed. “But don’t you see, Freddie? That has always been part of my problem. I have list of excuses a mile long. If we don’t set dates—” he trailed off, thinking far too hard.

“If it truly makes it easier for you, we could set some timelines,” Freddie conceded. “Just keep in mind how I like to improvise,” he added with a wink.

John pondered that for a moment. Improvising was Freddie’s style indeed. And if he was really putting himself – figuratively and literally – in Freddie’s hands…..well then…he had to trust and really go all out.

“No, no, whatever you think best, Fred,” he agreed, running his hands nervously through his hair again. “I….yeah, whatever you decide.” He managed a smile. “Just remember, my timing sucks."

Freddie beamed. “It won’t for much longer, my dear.” He started a soothing rub/scratch to John’s hair that made him relax. “Put yourself in my hands, and all will be well.”

Um, John never questioned Freddie’s confidence, but this was pretty amazing in his own personal opinion. And it made him think of something...

“Freddie, have you every…ummm… been with someone who had a V card….?”

“Oh, have I ever deflowered a virgin?” Freddie asked brightly. John groaned, but leaned forward, grabbed the bottle, raised it in a toast, and took a shot before passing it to Freddie.

Some years ago, Freddie had found an old paperback romance book leftover on an airplane. He had kept it, and when the band was alone, he read random passages from it in his most dramatic voice; it had been hysterical beyond belief. It was Brian, now, of all people, who now kept up the tradition of bringing on every tour a few smutty romance books (hidden amongst his science books) and Freddie would read random chapters aloud to the band at times when they were alone. It had turned into a drinking game for just the four of them. Whenever there were certain pre-agreed upon euphemistic phrases or words, such as “bosom”, “manhood”, "ravish", or “deflowered”, everyone took a shot. To the best of John’s fuzzy memory, a Barbara Cartland novel still held the record for getting them all smashed the fastest.

“Come to think of it,” John mussed, “next to my secret that is probably the biggest secret in Queen. That we have a drinking game revolving around romance novels.”

They also had a Scrabble game version where the only words allowed were from the romance novels. That too, was confined to when it was only the band. It was usually played in studios when they needed a break.

Okay, maybe that was the biggest group secret.

“We have to make fun when and where we can,” Freddie said modestly. “I am still partial to those Harlequin romances….so much innuendo that I simply can’t stand it at times. And to answer your question……ummm,” now it was Freddie’s turn to pause and sip his tea. “I don’t like to kiss and tell, darling. Just please be assured that I know what I am doing. Which is why today we are not going much past what you have already done.” 

“Damn,” John sighed, and Freddie laughed. 

“Plus, sooner or later, this lovely amaretto that we have enjoyed with the tea is going to kick in,” Freddie said. “While I certainly have nothing against a few liquid shots of courage, we have both consumed a tad more than expected and it’s still not even noon.” He patted John’s hand again. “I want you sober, darling.”

John glared at the singer. “Fine time to get all Puritan and sober on me,” he bitched. Freddie chuckled.

“You’ll thank me for it later, dear. I can tell that right now you are a mass of confusion, and I refuse to push into anything. An hour ago you were terrified to admit that you had your V card, Deaky, and now you are alternating between wanting me to pounce and wanting to schedule an appointment.” John scowled, but raised his teacup in a salute to the very accurate statement. “We’ve made a decision to go forward, but it will be at my pace, and my pace only, love.”

The bassist sighed, and leaned back against his friend as Freddie continued the scalp massage. Now that his secret was out, he felt a weight off his shoulders. “Thank you, Freddie,” he said sincerely.

There was a kiss to his forehead. “You are very welcome, my dear. And now,” Freddie took their teacups and stood up. “How about some lunch? I had the most wonderful chef in yesterday to stock some pre-made meals that even I can heat up in the microwave or oven. Though mind you, I did insist on a very hands on demonstration of how to *heat things up*.”

John took a shot, passed the bottle to Freddie, and then threw a couch pillow at his friend and followed him into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things do start heating up in the next chapter, I promise!
> 
> And GREAT thanks to ImpudentGuttersnipe who will be assisting with the writing of future chapters :-) Hugs, darling!


	4. Hands-on Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh darling, you have no idea what can be accomplished and *extended* in 5 minutes.”
> 
> “We are so calling our next album ‘Innuendo’,” John muttered, and Freddie looked as if all his birthdays and Christmas’s had come at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos on this story; I am sorry about the delay in posting. Be warned - I cannot write smut. Rating will stay M (Mature) and not go Explicit.

Freddie was right about so many things. So many things that it would have totally pissed John off if he didn’t love the man so much and appreciate what he was doing for him.

Take the morning, for example. Freddie had been perfectly accurate that all the booze with tea that they had consumed would indeed kick in. Lunch was a fairly sloppy and giggly affair, but after a few hours of food, coffee, water, and just plain time, they both sobered up. Freddie invited John to stay for the day, and there was a fair amount of innuendo in his invitation that had John gulping. But he had placed himself in Freddie’s more than capable hands, and he wasn’t going to argue.

Except when he did. Like the fact that now he could think about was Freddie’s hands. Freddie’s smile. Freddie’s….yeah, Freddie’s everything.

John had always been the patient one, while Freddie was impatient. Now the tables were turned, and John was really quite irritated once he sobered up.

Thank God Freddie was right about so many things.

Freddie sat at the piano and for a time they tossed song ideas back and forth, John playing on the extra bass that he kept at Freddie’s house. Somehow John ended up sitting on the piano bench beside Freddie, his bass put aside and just leaned against the singer, listening to Freddie play.

“What are you thinking, love?” Freddie asked, his voice soft as he now just played assorted melodies, some familiar and some new.

“Just…..that I’m comfortable,” John answered. It was true, he had likely never felt more comfortable with anyone than he did right now with Freddie.

Freddie kissed his forehead. “I’m glad,” he said simply. He smiled at the younger man. “And I am honored that you came to me today, John. Everything will be alright…though I must insist you put aside that calendar; I saw you scrolling through your day planner at lunch.”

John blushed. “I was checking the time of my dentist appointment,” he said, a tad defensively. 

“Well, you better let me know, darling, because I am making some plans of my own now, obviously,” Freddie said with a wicked grin. 

John felt his ears turn pink. “11:00,” he mumbled. 

“Ah, got it. No kissing next Tuesday until the novocain wears off,” Freddie mussed, his tone gently teasing. “Thank Heaven’s we have plenty of other options, plus time to get quite a lot accomplished before then.”

Okay, he was about to die of embarrassment yet again. John cleared his throat. “I, um…can image quite a lot.” He looked at Freddie. “But I’ve seen more on prime-time TV than what I’ve actually done.” John really wished for the bottle, but he and Freddie had mutually agreed over lunch to call it quits for the afternoon. 

“Ah,” Freddie nodded in understanding. “Well, fortunately, we are both rather hands-on learners, aren’t we?”

John groaned and tried to bury his head in Freddie’s shoulder. “You have a dreadful sense of humor,” he said.

“Then its good I have other talents,” Freddie leered and John lightly punched him on the arm. 

Something gave John courage and he sat up. “Alight, master of talents,” he challenged. “I seem to recall someone saying earlier that we weren’t going to go *much* past today than what I’ve done before, which,” he admitted sheepishly, “should take maybe, um….5 minutes.”

Freddie’s eyes lit up. “Oh darling, you have no idea what can be accomplished and *extended* in 5 minutes.”

Dear God. “We are so calling our next album ‘Innuendo’,” John muttered, and Freddie looked as if all his birthdays and Christmas’s had come at once. 

Freddie’s hands were suddenly off the piano and instead on John’s shoulders. They were sitting close already, and the distance between them closed as Freddie kissed him.

This kiss was far different from any they had shared before. John had done a lot of kissing, so he did have a bit of confidence in this area, but after a few minutes he was totally yielding to Freddie’s lead, letting the singer invade his mouth and bury his hands in his hair. John returned the favor as best he could, but ended up mostly just hanging onto Freddie’s shoulders.

“God,” John panted, trying to regain his breath when Freddie moved to kissing his neck.

“Um…not the first time I’ve been called one,” Freddie teased, and John started to laugh, but his lips were claimed again and he need to save his air for just breathing.

After a few minutes, Freddie gave John a particularly deep kiss, and then slowly stood, puling John up with him. “Let’s move this to a different location, shall we?” he suggested softly, and John nodded.

John had actually been in in Freddie’s bedroom before (one time threatening to throw a bucket of ice water on the singer to wake him up, and another time helping to look for a missing cat), so it was a far more comfortable and familiar location than a hotel room. But when Freddie led him to the large bed, pulling them down to sit on the edge, John started to feel his nerves reappear.

Seriously, he was going back and forth with emotions so much, he was likely going to pass out any second.

“Relax, darling,” Freddie murmured, rubbing the bassist’s shoulders.

“I think I’ve going to have a panic attack.” John admitted. 

Freddie chuckled. “This is nothing to have a panic attack about.”

“Says the god,” John muttered. Freddie just kissed him, and then stood up and pulled off his t-shirt.

Well. 

He had seen Freddie naked when they shared changing rooms and showers and Freddie had seen him naked. All of the band members had, actually, between sharing rooms and showers, and a memorable skinny dipping occasion at a private indoor pool (Roger had started it, of course). So that in and of itself wasn’t new, and when Freddie pulled John’s shirt off, John just let him, although he was biting his lip. He trusted that Freddie wasn’t going to pounce on him. 

Not that he would necessarily object. No, he would. Well, maybe not. 

Bad timing, oblivious, and indecisive. He was a mess. 

“I think, my dear, that a nice relaxing massage is in order,” Freddie decided. “You look like your head is about to spin around.” He kissed John again, and disappeared briefly into the bathroom, returning with a bottle of massage oil. With a little bit of encouragement, he soon had John lying face down while straddling his hips and began to work on John’s shoulders and back.

“Lord, dear, how do you even walk with muscles so tense?” Freddie asked after a few minutes of work.

John groaned as Freddie dug firmly into an especially tight knot on John’s left shoulder. “Well, I wasn’t this tense before this morning,” he tried to object.

“Ummm…I think you’ve been *tense* for over a decade,” Freddie said, lightly teasing.

‘Point taken,” John acknowledged. “And another vote for ‘Innuendo’.” He sighed in relief as muscles he didn’t even know where tight relaxed under Freddie’s hands. “This does feel good,” he said.

“It’s supposed to,” Freddie agreed. He worked steadily on John’s back and shoulders and then moved to his arms. “So you need to tell me, darling,” he said quietly, “just what have you done? Tell me about those 5 minutes of yours.”

John gave thanks that his face was buried in the pillow. “Um….kissing. I do know how to do that,” he said a tad defensively.

“You do,” Freddie encouraged him.

“Well, then shirts off, yeah. More kissing. And I won’t deny that hands may go below the belt, but still full clothed. No…er….real feels….that you wouldn’t see in a bar. Well maybe…but…” he trailed off, rather helpless to put it into words, even when it was just him and his best friend. Even his back seemed to blushing.

Thankfully, Freddie seemed to understand.

“Alight, my dear, hands on learning time, yes?” Freddie decided. He climbed off the bed and guided John to stand, giving him a reassuring kiss as they walked over to the door to the bedroom. “We are going to reenact something. Step-by-step, and we stop at any point you need. Understood?” John flushed, but nodded. 

“For this to work, my dear,” Freddie said, his voice soft between kisses to John’s lips and throat as he gently guided the younger man in place, Freddie leaning against the door with John encircled gently in his arms. “I need to know what you are comfortable with, what is familiar to you. And I think us *doing* things is better than talking, as you yourself have pointed out.” Freddie smiled and John blushed a little, lowering his head as he nodded. 

“Bad timing and not great with words,” he said. “I think it’s time to do something as well.”

Freddie kissed him and it was a deep, passionate kiss that made John’s head start to spin. “We will do this together,” Freddie promised, and John nodded again.

“You guide me, darling,” Freddie whispered. His hands and lips began to gently roam over John’s chest and back. “Tell me the moment you get uncomfortable or it’s something new." 

John nodded, and got busy kissing Freddie. It was by far easier than kissing a stranger.

Freddie was careful as they started, obviously testing John’s boundaries, but it didn’t mean that any of the kisses or touches were chaste, even though they remained above the waist. John felt he could stand for hours and just kiss Freddie and that was amazing. 

For long minutes there was only the sound of their breathing, John’s quickly becoming rather ragged as Freddie took control of the kisses. But he let John lead in where their hands went, mirroring only what John did to Freddie, long strokes down the chest and back, occasional sliding around to cup a backside. Freddie began pressing a line of kisses down John’s chest, bending his knees, and felt John tense when he reached the waistband of John’s jeans. Freddie immediately moved his trail of kisses back up to John’s lips and saw the blush on John’s face and chest.

“So what happens at this point?” Freddie asked, his voice soft and kind.

“Um….make some excuse and show them the door.”

“Alright, and then what?”

John couldn’t meet Freddie’s eyes, and looked at a point on the wall over the singer’s shoulder. “Beat off in the shower,” he admitted. 

“Darling,” Freddie kissed him. “Do you think you need to embarrassed around me, of all people?”

John managed a light chuckle. “No, likely not, except when I pale by comparison.”

“Then no comparing,” Freddie decided sternly. “John, we are best of friends and know more about each other than is likely healthy. You know you can trust me.” John nodded. “So, with that in mind, I think we can take a small step, if you are willing.”

John’s eyes widened and he grabbed Freddie and kissed him. This time it was Freddie fraying for a moment while John had control of the kiss and backed Freddie up against the wall. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’” Freddie gasped when John moved to kissing the singer’s neck.

“Please God, yes,” John said, still kissing the older man.

Freddie chuckled. “You are a brilliant contradiction at times, John Deacon, and I love you for it.” The singer started moving them toward the bed, and John went willingly. Before he quite knew what was happening, they were lying on the bed, enjoying some excellent kissing. John relaxed, letting Freddie guide them, and it turned out that making out with Freddie was as easy as hugging Freddie.

Freddie’s hand slipped gently under the waistband of John’s jeans and then paused. “Is this alright, my dear?” Freddie’s voice was lower than usual, and it made John shudder.

“Yes,” he said simply. “Please.” Even John had a pretty good idea where this was leading, and he was proved right when Freddie’s nimble fingers unfastened his jeans, gently working them and his knickers down his hips. John returned the favor, pulling off Freddie’s sweat pants (no knickers), and just smiled.

Freddie really was the best friend ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for all the kind kudos and comments!! They really do make my day.


	5. This goes to 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Umm…..a five,” John decided.
> 
> “What?” Freddie shrieked, horrified. “You’re giving *me* a five out of ten?”
> 
> “Well I don’t have anything else to compare it with, now do I?” John argued. “So, I have no choice but to give it a baseline, neutral, rating.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short, but oh well. The chapter just wanted to end here.

John laid against Freddie, trying to think why he hadn’t come to Freddie sooner. Like, maybe, ten years ago. He could only come to the conclusion that he was indeed an idiot.

Freddie suddenly tapped him gently on the end of his nose and John blinked, rather surprised. He had been enjoying a very lovely cuddle, and now Freddie was smiling at him. “Stop thinking,” the singer mock ordered. 

“Sorry?” John leaned back against the pillows and Freddie chuckled as he re-arranged the covers around them again.

“You and Brian are always thinking,” Freddie said fondly. “And we love you for it. Though sometimes we do worry.”

John frowned. “Why do you worry about us thinking?”

“Ummm…how about I let you in on a secret?” Freddie smiled. “Roger and I are pretty terrified of you and Brian, and just thankful that you two have focused your brain power for music and not evil science takeover of the world.” John laughed and swatted Fred.

“When the scientists take over, you will be among those spared. We’ve already discussed it,” John said, his nose in the air.

Freddie chuckled. “See, that’s what terrifies me! I bet you have discussed it.”

“Well, among other things…” John was cut off by another kiss, which he happily returned. After a few minutes of content making out, Freddie pulled back a bit, and settled them against the pillows, John curled up in his arms. 

“So, what were you thinking, oh future overlord?” Freddie asked.

John smiled. “That I really have bad timing in that I didn’t come to you sooner. Like, a decade ago.”

The singer chuckled. “Well, better late than never, yes?”

“Most definitely.”

“I’m glad.” Freddie smiled his brilliant smile that melted hearts. 

John cleared his throat. “I am truly thinking about one thing, Freddie. We didn’t really define this did we? Is this like Friends with Benefits? I mean, no matter what, it can’t affect the band.”

“Ah,” Freddie nodded in agreement. “Nothing will affect the band, other than Roger and Brian may be jealous.” John blushed at that thought. “What do you want it to be?”

“I’m not looking to settle down, and I know you certainly aren’t,” John said firmly. “I wasn’t expecting…this—” he blushed a little as he gestured toward Freddie. “So, maybe best friends with benefits? As long as you are willing.”

Freddie kissed him. “I am always willing for you, my dear, and I agree, this just deepens the friendship we already have. We will get you on the dating scene for real soon enough. Remember, I promised you wouldn’t be the 30-year-old virgin in a rock band.”

John frowned. “My birthday is months away. Better not be last-minute.”

“Oh, my dear, consider it an early present. And now, I do need to ask, are you are comfortable with what we have done so far?”

His ears were turning red, John knew it, but he managed to nod. “Yes. It was okay,” he said.

Freddie raised a dark eyebrow. “’Okay’?” he repeated. “It was ‘okay’?” His tone was teasing, and John grinned, sensing what Freddie was really fishing for.

“Umm…..I’d give it a….five.” John decided.

“What?” Freddie shrieked. He sat up, hands on hips, now looking honestly horrified. “You’re giving me a five out of ten?”

“Well I don’t have anything else to compare it with, now do I?” John argued logically, but also grinning at Freddie’s obvious indignation. “So, I have no choice but to give it a neutral rating until I have more data.”

Freddie’s eyes were wide. “A neutral rating?”

“A baseline.”

“John Richard Deacon,” Freddie pulled out a pillow and swatted the younger man with it. John rolled away, laughing. “I have never been baseline, and this body has never been neutral about anything. And I’ll have you know that I have never gotten less than a 9.9!” A full-on pillow fight was breaking out as John grabbed a pillow to defend himself.

“Well, honestly, Fred, be realistic,” the younger man argued as he smacked the singer in the head. “You can’t expect me to give it a 10 without more data.”

Freddie tried to tackle the bassist, but John managed to get away. “Stop with the data! 9.9!” Freddie repeated. “And that’s on a really, really bad day.”

“Oh, so you ruin the entire rest of the world for everyone else? Leaving behind those who can only dream of one day exceeding it by .1% to get a perfect 10?” John dodged a pillow, but Freddie managed to grab his arms and rolled, pinning the bassist under the singer.

“I’ll have you know,” Freddie said as they stopped the mock fight, both laughing and breathing heavy, their lips just inches apart. “That *I* go to an 11.” 

An hour later, John smiled up at the ceiling. 

“Okay, that was a six,” he declared.

There was a groan from the man lying beside him. 

*****

Over the next week, Freddie perused the 11 score with the same determination and zest he applied to music. John was grateful to just be along for the ride. Thankfully, he was a fast learner.

Freddie had apparently made some To Do list in his head for John, and the bassist could almost see the singer crossing things off the list. It was fine with John, as he had happily turned himself over to the master.

Damn, he really should have talked to Freddie sooner.

“Making up for lost time, aren’t you?” Freddie remarked one evening.

John blushed. “Maybe,” he agreed.

I’m not going anywhere, darling,” Freddie assured him as he stroked John’s hair. 

“We go back in the studio in a week,” John sighed. “I know its stupid, but I worry that when we start that Roger is going to take one look at me and know something is different between us. His radar is scary accurate.”

“Roger will just be jealous,” Freddie assured him. “And it gives him and Brian an excuse to happily commiserate together. Not that they ever need an excuse.”

“What?” John sat up in the bed. “Brian and Roger? Are you serious? *Maylor* is real?”

Freddie laughed. “Oops,” he said, but the sly grin made John know it hadn’t been a mistake at all. “For some time now, actually. They are most definitely each other’s favorite casual shags. You should tell them you figured it out, darling. It will save them time sneaking around and thinking they are so clever.”

“Shit.” John flopped back on the bed. “Just how oblivious am I?”

“Now, now,” Freddie patted his hand. “You are very smart, Deaky, but perhaps just a bit too focused at times. Which usually isn’t a bad thing. But do tell them to stop trying to be sneaky about it. It’s annoying and just wastes time.”

John sighed, but smiled. “That’s why you knew everything would be alright with the band; because there are already relationships going on.”

“Oh yes,” Freddie shrugged. “We really are all lovers to one degree or another.” He wagged his eyebrows suggestively, and John smacked him lightly on the arm. 

“You’re the one controlling the degree,” John reminded him, a bit of a cross tone to his voice. They had done quite a lot, but still not quite as much as John wanted.

"Patience, darling,” Freddie smiled. “I promise that to be best of my ability you will not be a 29-year-old-virgin when we go back into the studio, is that acceptable?” 

“To the best of your ability?”

Freddie winked. “Well, as far as being with another man, darling. Now, as for the fairer sex, I know several absolutely wonderful young ladies that I would love to set you up on blind dates with.”

“Oh,” John swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, that…that might be a good idea.” He had never liked blind dates before, too worried about possible expectations, but now he found himself actually considering it. “Um, put in a good word for me, okay?”

“Of course!” Freddie beamed and patted John’s hand. “Now, as for you and I, its Monday night. Remember what happens tomorrow?”

There was sigh. “Dentist appointment,” John muttered, briefly putting his head in his hands.

“Yes, and we agreed to schedule around that,” Freddie teased.

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” John mussed.

“Not while I’m around, no,” Freddie said cheerfully. His dark eyes sparked with glee. “But I can give you something to think about while you are *getting drilled* tomorrow.”

John threw a pillow. “You are so backing me on calling the album ‘Innuendo’, you understand?” Then he tackled the singer. 

Later, Freddie looked at John, one eyebrow raised in a question. John pondered for a moment.

“Eight-point-nine,” he judged.

Freddie huffed, and stomped off to feed the cats.

*****


	6. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?”

The problem, John decided, was that he thought too damn much

He knew quite a lot; a decade of being in a rock band had taught him a great deal, and he could analyze and problem-solve all day long. Taking lead in the band financial management had given him a lot of confidence as well and of course he had grown in his musical ability along with the others.

His problem was *doing* things. 

There were some exceptions, of course. He had learned early on that he had an eye for contracts (maybe he had been a soulless lawyer in a previous life) and could analyze negotiated agreements with ease, taking lead with confidence. Freddie, Brian, and Roger had learned to sit back and let John tear into negotiations or fine details with the stupid management. Electronics were second nature to him, and he had no problem tinkering with wires. He knew his talents as a musician were recognized and was satisfied with his contributions to the group.

But personally….yeah, bad timing. No confidence. Totally inability to *do* a damn thing.

Which had gotten him into this mess. Thank God for Freddie. But even with Freddie, he thought too much. 

**come for dinner and plan to spend the night** Freddie had texted him that morning.

Fuck. Hopefully.

They were due back in the studio in two days, and John had not forgotten Freddie’s promise that he would no longer be the 29-year-old virgin in a rock band come the first day back. John couldn’t decide to run to Freddie’s apartment or run away.

Run to it, of course, won. But he was still nervous.

The previous week had been quite the learning curve for John. Thankfully, he was a fast learner. Still, it had been one thing to know about things, and another to put them into…er…practice. Yeah, practice. That was a good word, John decided. Application. Real-life hands-on….

He used an electric shaver, and still managed to nearly cut himself. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror earlier that day, he had about slapped himself. This was *Freddie* for Gods sake; one of the three people John trusted most in the world, and he knew there was nothing to worry about.

Except performance anxiety.

Eh….that was funny. How many thousand people had packed stadiums to see them play, and now he was nervous about being in a room with one person? Who was his best friend?

Well, the circumstances were certainly different. And the text message had made him run his hands through his hair when it arrived that morning. He had, in fact, already spent the night at Freddie’s during the previous few weeks. Several times, in fact. And Freddie had spent one night at his flat as well. But there had never been a specific stay-the-night message. So why was he nervous?

Because he thought too much. There were just two nights to go until he, Freddie, Roger and Brian officially met back in the studio. Two nights until Freddie had promised…..

Fuck.

Yeah, that was exactly what he had promised. And John couldn’t decide to die from excitement or panic.

Well, either way, right now wasn’t the time to die. He rinsed and spit as the dentist pronounced his teeth freshly cleaned and good to go. With that monumental event finally crossed of his day planner, now he was back in Freddie’s capable hands.

He stood in his bedroom, trying to decide if he should pack a bag, and then finally decided no. He had managed just fine the other nights, and doubted he needed anything. Jeans and a nice shirt, and he was good to go.

Eh….was he ever.

When the band had first picked out the apartments, they had given each other copies of all the keys. John used his key now to let himself into Freddie’s place, and could hear piano music as soon as he was through the door. It was nice and felt normal and John breathed a sigh of relief as he made his way to the music room.

Freddie was clearly in the zone, and quickly welcome him with a quick smile before diving back in, trying cords, scribbling notes and words, and muttering to himself. John completely understood and just quietly got his spare bass and settled in a corner, working on a bit of his compositions for a while. There was a long-standing agreement amongst the group that when one was in the zone, social niceties could be waved with no offense, and do not disturb unless it was an emergency.

“Ah!” Freddie said after a bit. He rapidly played a few more cords and the nodded in satisfaction. “I think this will work,” he remarked proudly. John put down his bass and came over to the piano.

“Please let it be a happy song,” John said. “Brian texted me some lyrics earlier, and while they are amazing and poetic, I about cried from sadness.”

Freddie chuckled. “Well, hopefully this will be in-between,” he mused, playing a few last cords and making some notes on the paper. 

“That I can deal with,” John agreed. He sat on the piano bench, and Freddie gave him a warm hug and kiss. The kiss soon deepened and John laughed as Freddie moved to kiss his ear, teasing.

“So, now that *the* most important event of the week is over, I take it we are clear to go?” the singer teased.

John groaned, but smiled. “Totally clear,” he agreed, clearing his throat to hide his nerves. Freddie just smiled.

“No cavities?”

“Not a one, thank you very much.”

“Um….” Freddie’s eyes twinkled, and John knew that look; Freddie was in an outrageous mood, and he braced himself. “So, tell me dear, what has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?”

There was no way this was going to end well. John just shrugged and raised an eyebrow. Freddie leaned forward.

“My zipper,” he confided.

John smacked Freddie on the arm. “On second thought, I think I should leave,” he said.

“Oh, but I’m just getting started!” Freddie protested. “You have a sweet tooth, your eye candy, you’re so sweet I get a toothache just looking at you—”

“Oh my God, you googled dentist pick-up lines, didn’t you? Or you asked Roger. Either way,” John pretended to gag a little. “Maybe I should just leave now—”

Freddie laughed and caught John’s arms, pulling him back into his embrace. “Oh, my dear, but we have so much to do tonight.”

“Not if you keep using those pickup lines,” John defended. “I think I’d rather be a 30-year-old virgin in a rock band rather than listen to this anymore.” He was laughing as well and they resumed kissing. 

“One more?” Freddie pleaded in-between kisses. 

“No.”

“Please?”

“Not if you want to deflower this virgin,” John declared boldly.

“Ooo, low blow,” Freddie sighed. He found a bottle of liquor and they each had a shot. “Alright then, an hour of google wasted. Fine, happy now?”

John smiled. “Yes,” he said. “I really am.”

Between the two of them, they managed to heat up the pre-made meals and had a nice dinner, talking and exchanging a few texts with Brian and Roger. John was pondering how best to let the two know that he knew about them, and was preparing lines for when the right time came. He would be patient and bide his time. 

“You have a rather evil glint in your eyes.” Freddie commented over dessert. “It suites you, I think.” John smirked a little.

“Just thinking up lines for when to let ‘Maylor’ know that they are not so secret,” he admitted. 

“Swear that you won’t say anything unless I am in the room,” Freddie begged seriously. John laughed and they raised a toast to the bargain.

Clean up was a rather hasty business with John clearing the table and starting the dishwasher while Freddie took care of the cats. John made sure the kitchen was tidy, waited until the cats had been fed; and then pounced.

Thank goodness Freddie had fast reflexes. 

“Eager, are we?” Freddie said, between kisses, as John dragged him to the bedroom.

‘Yes.” 

Freddie smiled, letting himself be pulled toward the bed, clothes disappear along the way. “Just remember, dear, we will do this at my pace.”

John took a deep breath. “I think I can finally say I have a good sense of timing on this. And its time, believe me.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that for a moment,” Freddie agreed as the last of the annoying clothing disappeared and he let John pull him down onto the bed. “Prepare to be a 29-year-old in a rock band.”

***

John rather felt like he was floating, even though he was secure in Freddie’s arms. Freddie was running a hand idly though John’s hair and he felt like purring like one of Freddie’s cats. Maybe he was, because Freddie chuckled a little.

“Happy?” Freddie asked.

John tiled his head up to look at the singer. “I would say that it rather obvious,” he said smiling. 

“Then I am too,” Freddie agreed, kissing him again. 

Despite everything, John found he could still blush a little. “Thank you, Freddie,” he said.

He was rewarded with another long kiss. “It was my pleasure.” Dark eyes twinkled. “Obviously. Several times. A number of times. Lots of times.”

John felt the blush increase a little, but he was able to chuckle at himself. “Same here,” he agreed.

“And so, what is your rating now, oh, scientific data one?” Freddie teased.

“Um…” John considered, making a show of concentrating. “Well, there are still some variable factors.”

“Variable factors?” Freddie looked at him askance. 

“Well, it was still an unknown experience – both ways – “John added, blushing again. “And it’s such a small data sample, and I was still nervous, yet I have to allow for possible beginner’s luck, and—”

“Deaky.” Freddie warned, his free hand reaching for a pillow.

“And there are still so many physical variations - positions – to explore, so I have to account for optimal –”

Freddie seemed to change his mind about the pillow and went for pinning John down to the bed, and started to tickle.

“10.9!” John laughed, trying and failing to get away from the tickling. “I swear, Freddie, 10.99999—” He was cut off by a kiss.

“Good enough.” Freddie smiled.

*****

John may have had bad timing in his personal life, but he did find the perfect opportunity to let Maylor know he was aware of them. Freddie honestly fell on the floor in the studio laughing at looks on Brian and Roger’s faces while John tried to not smirk too much.

Yeah, he did have good timing after all.

But he should have expected a comeback from Roger.

“One word; Deacury,” Roger countered. Brian raised an eyebrow and then he started to laugh at the blush on John’s face.

“If you only knew,” John finally said. He supposed that was only fair.

“As good as they say?” Roger asked John, grinning.

I’m right here, darling,” Freddie huffed.

“So?” Brian grinned, looking at their bassist.

John smiled, clearing his throat. “Well, as I tried to explain, allowing for variable factors—”

“Of course,” Brian nodded.

“And the data sample was ---er – rather small; smaller than you might expect—”

“Uh?” Roger asked.

“Just to clarify, *I* am not small,” Freddie protested. 

“I know what he means,” Brian told Freddie. “I’ll explain later,” he said to Roger. He looked back at John. “Continue.”

“And of course, physical variations have to be factored in.”

“Naturally.”

“And allowing for long-term, repeatable—”

“Pure scientific method,” Brian agreed.

“I know, right?” John smiled.

“Let’s get out of here,” Freddie told Roger.

Roger grabbed his jacket. “God yes; their plotting, aren’t they? Where’s the nearest liquor store? If we bribe them now, we might survive.”

“Already have it covered. In the closet, marked “first aid”. I’ll get it; you get the Scrabble board.”

“You really think we can distract them enough with Scrabble and booze? I mean, it usually works, yeah, but…”

”New variation. Strip Scrabble. Between that and the booze, we might survive.”

John and Brian both paused and looked up. “Strip Scrabble?” Brian asked.

“See? It might work,” Freddie told Roger gleefully. “Distracted them already.”

“Better hurry,” John yelled. “You know we scientists have a good sense of timing!” He winked at Freddie.

Yeah, John had good timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for all the kind kudos and comments!


End file.
